“Its part of the service, sir.  Everyone will hear a voice that is most comforting to them.  Very tailored.” William droned off his explanation with the dullery of over repetition.  He rarely ever had to really think about the answers anymore. The questions seldom varied.

“Uh…but…”

“Now if we could review your assignment so we can get you on your way…”

“But, sir?”

A deep exasperated sigh escaped before William could remember to be professional.  If his eyeballs had been visible, this clod, this time waster, this Marshall Steven Smith, would have seen them roll.  “Yes, Mr. Smith?”

“I…uh… Steve.  Call me Steve. Its just, I know this might seem silly, its just that my uncle was a right bastard.  Stole the old house from Mum, kept that car I was supposed to have come to me, got my sister kicked out of the family because she liked girls.  So… so why would you think that bastard would be comforting?”

 Young Mr. Smith had started out quietly stumbling over his words, but each word had exponentially increased until his voice was something like a squirrel with its tail on fire.  

William tuned out.  ‘This was so predictably normal that no little fit has been able to entertain him for at least a few decades.  The one that had come out guns blazing, still screeching about the goods being setup. He’d been so attached to those guns.  It took him most of a week to realize his weapons never ran out of ammo, they never hurt me, and he couldn’t leave my office.  Shell casings were ankle deep. Finally for him escorted to Oblivion. He hadn’t believed in anything. The Uppers had not been happy.  My caseload was a towering heap of way behind. They made me work around the clock to catch up. Now they check in on me whenever… oh right…’  

William had come out of his musings.  Mr. Smith was staring wide eyed and shaking at his file held in William’s gangly hand.  Behind Mr. Smith, holding open the door to the tiny office just wide enough stood Magistrator Tineill.  She oversaw his division and was most unhappy with her charge.

Ever the professional, she maintained her Grim even though only William could see her.  No one else could soul meltingly glare through empty sockets like Tine.

Dropping his gaze to shuffle through Mr. Smith’s file, William found his assignment discharge form.  

“Oh this explains it, Mr. Smith.”

“Steve.”

“This explains it, Steve.”  William pushed the bright yellow triplicate form across the scuffed expanse of nondescript wooden desk.  “It says that you have been assigned to Hell, Seventh Circle, Second Gate. Hmm, your uncle must not have been the only bastard in the family, aye?”

Steve Smith’s mouth gaped wider and wider until it quite literally split his face.  And this is literally as it’s literally meant to be taken. A fine shimmer of sweat popped out all over him, but dripped heaviest from his greasy brow and above his thin lip.  William tuned out again as the young man screeched and clutched at his falling jaw. It all became static to bored William except for this one oddly large drop of gooey perspiration trailing slowly down the side of Steve’s face to drip unceremoniously into his ripped cheek and disappear among the blood and saliva churning there.  

It would be such a mess to clean up before he processed the next visitor.  

“He was just a pup. We can get another.”

“No, Lilly gave Buck to me for my birthday. She named him. She always names the critters. I don’t think I could come up with a proper name all by my own.” Which Daddy knew meant I didn’t want to talk about it, so he should just hush up. Well, I think he knew that, he just didn’t do it.

Instead, a vein popped out in his neck. “Now, Lavvy, just stop all this. You just go around a cryin and a fussin and I can’t fix it all, so just stop it.” His eyes started to get puffy and wet. “I miss your Momma, and I miss your sister, and I miss my Daddy, and I even miss that useless mutt.” Big tears began to escape out of his eyes. “I didn’t want to move here, I had to for the job.” That job with the train company that Momma had wanted him to take. It was supposed to be a good opportunity. It was also supposed to take some of the hurt from losing Pappy away.  “But all we got in the world now is each other and if you don’t stop all these tears, I don’t think I’m going to be able to make it bein the only one who’s strong.” He was blubberin so hard by now that it was hard to make out what he was sayin. “So just stop it already. Stop cryin and feelin so damned sorry for yerself. I didn’t want this to a happen.” Now he broke down into slurred prattle.

I wanted to stop cryin and go hug my Daddy. I wanted to tell him that I was eleven now, old enough to quit being a kid and go work. I wanted to let him that I thought he was the strongest man in the world. But I didn’t. I just sat there, tryin to keep my runnin nose wiped.

After a few minutes, Daddy got quite again. I could still hear him snuffle from time to time, but he was pretty much quieted down. “We’re movin, Lavender. The train company needs some more offices built and track laid out in some other place. I’m volunteerin. But right now, you go to bed. I’ll be back later.” That meant he was going to go find some liquor on a friend’s tab in some bar and bring home some woman who wore too much rogue and demanded money we didn’t have at the end of the night.

That had been the story of our life for these past many months. I stopped countin days.

This was also the fourth move Daddy and me were going to be makin. I knew the truth.

It wasn’t that this place had too many memories; it just had too many people that Daddy had made mad. He had always been like this, I just didn’t know before cause Momma knew how to make a house into a home and how to make hurtful things just part of forgotten nightmares. Since Momma had been gone, the nightmares were starting to become real.

I woke up the next mornin and Daddy wasn’t home.

I wasn’t surprised. While I was cookin me up some eggs I decided not to go to school cause we was gonna be movin soon anyhow.  Not like anybody was gonna come make me go.

Around lunch, the next door neighbor, Shelley, came over. She was tall and dark and expecting a child. Her husband worked with my Daddy. They would be movin with the trains too, so she had come over to help me pack. She knew about it before I had and the gang had to move out in the mornin. News for me.

Since it was just the two of us now, there wasn’t much to pack. That night I went over to Shelley’s house for supper. We enjoyed mashed taters and turnips without the men. The day before a move was always busy. So much stuff to bring along. We simply put our boxes marked with our names on the dirt that made a front yard. I slept there so I wouldn’t be lonely, and Shelley was nervous to be alone cause of the baby.

In the mornin, we got on the back car of a train with many other women and children.

Some of the men were there too, though most would catch up with us later. I drew on some scraps of paper on the train and played with some little boy that wouldn’t leave me be.  I might have napped, but I don’t remember.

We got to the new town and this time it was a little coal-minin town. I stopped keepin track of where we were when Momma died. There were mountains and a nice stream and of course lots of people dusted black by the dirty work. It seemed everythin was dusted in grays and blacks in that town. Shelley and I decided that our two tiny households would share a lean-to until more permanent homes could be built.

As we were unpackin, I saw a flash. Just a little blur of white in the corner of my eye. It ran away behind me and as I turned I saw it go over the hill nearby away into the trees. I shook my head and decided it was just my imagination playin in a place with all the jitters movin brings.

That night, Shelley and I cooked dinner. Only Ray, Shelley’s husband, came home. I just shrugged it off. “He probably found a bottle of whiskey that seemed better than our dinner and little house.” Shelley made a little sound.

“Oh sugga, don’ go a sayin’ such thins!” Her accent always got worse when she was upset. I think she came from Louisiana or somewhere down there. “You Daddy loves you dear, an he been through too much as late. I’m sure he’s a jus..” She trailed off.

I stopped payin attention anyway. Another little white light shimmered from the corner of my eye. It seemed to run out the window and into the trees.

The next day was rainy. Not much work could get done and everyone was cranky. I expected Daddy to come on home and raise a stink over not getting paid for the day on count of the rain.

Ray came home. Daddy didn’t.

Somethin inside me said I should worry, but I was so relieved over not getting yelled at that day, I just shrugged my shoulders at Ray’s attempt to apologize it away. Shelley had gotten me some paper, so I was a busy writin poem about sunny places and kings and big prancing ponies anyway. Knights in shiny armor. Little girls can dream.

The fourth night, and still no sign of Daddy, I looked Ray right in the eye at the supper table. “Tell the truth. You’ve been dodgin it and I ain’t bothered to ask. So I’m askin. Where’d my Daddy go off to?”

“I don’t know, Lavender. He’s been missing since the day before we left.”

“Nonsense, I saw him just that night.”

“Well, he didn’t come into work, and well…”Shelley stepped in. “Sugga, there was some folks tellin’ ‘bout some bad happenin’s a way up the river from town.”

Up the river. That meant where the bootleggers, drunks, harlots, thieves, and other such people come together and done their dirty business.

“Yeah, there’s always somethin bad happening up that way. Worse thing about that town. Daddy had a hand in it?”

“Well, Sugga, we don’ know for sure. Until we do, why don’ ya’ jus’ stay here wit me and Ray. I’ll need help with the baby soon nough.” At mention of the baby, Ray shifted uncomfortably. He was probably afraid I’d be bad influence on it, seeing as how he never met my Momma, and Daddy was never a shinin example of good folk.

“Yeah, I’ll stay. I’m no fool though, Shelley. I know you just bein nice to me. Daddy has finally up and gone for good or off and got killed. So after the baby comes and I see that you’re doin fine for yourself, I’ll probably light up out of here and find some work in a city somewhere.”

Shelley and Ray just nodded. Satisfied to do right by their human duties to me, still a child, even if I didn’t know it.

Ray did his best to provide for all of us, but havin the third mouth a couple of months early wasn’t helpin. I heard him talkin late one night after I’d gone off to bed.

“Shell, we can’t keep her here after the baby. I’m havin hard enough time keepin up with three mouths and four…”

“I know it, but there ani’t a thin in this world worth it, if not a child.”

“She ani’t our child, an she’s more woman now. If she aims to go, then let her. If not, make her. She stays not a month after the baby.”

After that I took to doing wash and child watching to make extra coin. I bought my own food, and never ate another bite that man ever brought home. He was right. They shouldn’t be saddled with me with a little one on the way. Shelley was two months out, and that was as long as I wanted to be here. Shelley or Ray never talked to me about that night or asked about my getting my own food. I think it hurt Shelley’s feelins, but her stomach hurt worse, and hunger is a mean devil.

It had rained for four days and nights, with no sign of lettin up. Everythin was wet, right down to the soul and bone cold. Shelley made jokes about Moses forgettin to pick us up, and Ray needin to get started on a boat. He probably should as ill as he’s been. Rain meant no work, no work meant no money. We all went to bed early for all the good it did. Tryin to sleep in a puddle under the table was useless.

Late into that restless night, Shelley stumbled across the room and plopped into a chair.

She was pale and sweating and looked to fall over any minute. I jumped up to catch her as she came off the chair, she’d have landed on me anyway. She was burning to the touch and cryin.

“I’m a hurtin’ in a real bad way, Lavvy baby.” That’s what she liked to call me. I didn’t think I liked it, but that didn’t matter at that time.

“What’s wrong? You want me to get Ray?”

“No, let him sleep. Better dreamin than stewin.” She lay half in the floor, half on me, breathing heavy.

“You sick?”“God forbid if ….” She screamed. It was a loud, sharp thing that I never did hear one worse. Like a train whistle from hell itself. I didn’t know what to do, so I sat there, half under this screamin woman, tryin to cover my ears.

Ray came runnin in the room. He ran to Shelley.

“Shelley? Shelley? Stop screaming! Shell?! Girl, go raise the fire so I can see what’s what.”

I crawled out from under the weight, and did as I was told. As the fire jumped, Ray screamed, too. Not very manly, but I followed suit when I saw the blood. A big pool of it coming from where that baby was suppose to come from next month. Ray jumped up and ran outside screamin for help.

I was alone with Shelley.

“What do I do, Shelley? What you need?” She couldn’t answer me. She was a thrashin on the floor, hands on her belly, bleedin from her womanhood, and I stood there silent.

She started to reach for me, so I dropped to my knees and held her hand. It hurt. She kept scratchin and squeezin it. I wondered when Ray was going to get back. I wondered if he knew we didn’t have a doctor in our camp. I didn’t know where a doctor was to be found.

Then I saw them again. Little flashes of light all around. Some of them outside, some of them right next to me. If I tried to look at them head on, they flitted about and hid. So I took another look at Shelley, then I closed my eyes.

Maybe I closed them to pray, or to shut out that look on her face. Whatever the reason, when I did shut them, I felt something queer. It felt like hands. Warm hands touching my back, my hair, my arms, and my hands.

Shelley got real quite and real still.

“I don’ wanna go. I wanna have my baby. I wanna love my Ray. I wanna stay.”

I was afraid to open my eyes. I was afraid to answer. All I heard was the crackle of fire and the rain outside.

Something else, like a song, floated around me. The hands still touched me, but I could feel them moving to Shelley.

“No, please. At least give the baby life.”

Rain.

Fire.

Hands.

“Can I tell Ray?” Shelley didn’t sound like it hurt anymore. She was just cryin softly.

“Okay, then. Bye, Lavvy baby. Take care of Ray now, promise?”

I didn’t answer right away.

“Promise?” It was Shelley, more demanding, more afraid.

“Yes.” I started to cry, but I kept my eyes closed. I didn’t want to have to leave with her.

I thought if I kept my eyes closed, then maybe no one would see me.

Things got quite.

Things got cold.

No more hands and the fire died cold. I thought hours had passed, but it was more than likely just minutes start to done.

“Shell?”

It was Ray.

I opened my eyes. No lights flyin around. No Shelley either.

“Shells? Shell!” He fell onto the floor beside her, nearly on top of me. I obliged by movin to dyin fire. More people came in, some women. They had cloth and herbs and clean water. They just stared at me.

“Shell, I brought help. The old women. They came to help you. See?” He looked up at them. “Come help her.”

They nodded and one shooed him away. He came to stand by me. After a minute, the oldest got up and came to us. “She’s gone. The baby, too. I’m sorry. We’ll ready her for burial, you go rest.”

“What? No, you can’t bury her. She hates small places. She’ll wake up, and if we put her in the ground, she’ll think I left her. No. She’s fine.” Still mumblin this craziness, he picked Shelley up and took her to their bed. He laid her down, and covered her up.

The women left, knowin better than to try to talk to him. When I tried to talk sense to him that mornin, he knocked me to the floor. The blood in my mouth kept it closed after that.

For two more days it went like this. When the rain finally gave way, some men came to talk to Ray and to take Shelley to her grave. I took her silver necklace from the box, and left. I didn’t need to be in that house anymore.

I stayed around camp long enough to hear that Ray had thrown himself down a mineshaft.

I left that place, those people.

I still never found out about my Daddy. I figure, I never will. I figure that it’s best.

Worst is that broke my promise to Shelley. First real promise I made, and I broke it.

Maybe I am like Daddy, maybe I should have just went with Shelley that night. Maybe that would have been for the best, too. I’ll never know.

That was the time it was when I touched Earth for the last time.

It had been 21 days since I’d last been able to see my mother.  She couldn’t come. She was already sick and they weren’t taking any sick with us.  Well, not sick from our level anyway.
I’d heard there were some sick among the Top Deckers, but it was their ship.

They’d made us say our goodbyes with enough time to quarantine all the hands and crew.  Once we were up there, closed quarters would make too good a breeding ground. A few people did start showing symptoms after the first few days.  They were removed and sent back home.

Back home to stay.  

It was a death sentence and we all knew it.  

That morning, the sun rise was a brilliant cacophony of reds and pinks.  Some of the swirls of color were almost fluorescent. It looked like most mornings.  The pollution made for an impressive display as it choked us all out. I wanted to take my mask off so I could really see it, but that wouldn’t have ended well for me.  

By 06:05, my back was to the growing light and I’d never see it again.  

07:00 found me securing my seat in the belly of the beast that was stealing me from home.  Saving me from home. It was all kind of the same thing.

It’d be another day to get to The Outer Sky.  

Stationed in near orbit in proximity to the moon, this technological monstrosity had shown as brightly as it’s cratered neighbor in the night sky.  Especially since the moon is much smaller than I’d heard it used to be. The titanium and iron was just going to go to waste if we left it here.

The Outer Sky was more than a ship.  It was almost a planet unto itself. Paid for by the powerful on the backs of the rest of us with one purpose:  to carry us away from our sins and heartaches.

They won’t tell us exactly when they started building this thing.  There’s rumors that it’s been going on for generations. The governments of the world were never going to have the funding or resources to get this thing built.  And they’d never collaborate enough to finish it in time. But anyone with any sense could see this meek planet wasn’t going to sustain us for too much longer.  

They also won’t tell us exactly how it got started.  Who the folks signing the checks were. As it got bigger, they had to go to greater and greater lengths to hide it.  What was several small independent “satellites” suddenly got bigger. They weren’t moving much like satellites either.  That’s when the powers that be pressured to limit the space programs. That only kept the quiet for so long though. Eventually they had to take control of the governments themselves.  In the span of a few decades, CEOs became POTUSs, old money retook it’s age old birthrights of ruling the plebians, and the economy had been violently pulled out of the shadows. That upper echelon of status no longer tried to hide their power, smooze the public, or deny that their only concerns was their own longevity.  They didn’t have to.

By then, it was obvious things had gone too far.  Too much had been taken for too long. The air was toxic.  Plants shriveled and receded. In the wild places and in every town, animals were growing cancerous or outright dying.  We became an extinction event. Or maybe the extinction event was sent to clear us out. Like a virus being attacked by the immune system.  Some days I think we cheated it.

The common people around the world could only think to do one thing:  beg the powerful to save them. They in their infinite riches should be able to buy our way to clean air and drinkable water.  In a way, they did.

Children in my generation remember the call outs.  We thought it was a promise of a future.

Our parents knew what it meant.  

They still diligently groomed us to sit in these mildly padded seats surrounded by hundreds of others dressed in the same sterile off white suits heading into the Great Unknown at this exact moment.  

The alternative was to stay and go extinct.  

Twenty one days before strapping into that almost uncomfortable seat, I’d seen for the last time the woman who gave up so much for me to have this life.  

We were all headed into a new life filled with more chance and opportunity than any other human generation had ever had.  The air in this cramped shuttle felt vibratingly still and chokingly heavy, like a funeral. Not a one of us could muster the excitement you’d think we’d have had.  

Tension is a funny word.  It sounds like it feels, but it feels so much bigger than it sounds.  When your throat goes taunt, eyes strained, chest tight, stomach acidic, feet bounce, muscles twitch, head hazy, and breathing becomes something you have to think about to do.  No one was doing much talking on the ride up. We were all concentrating on remembering. At least that’s what I was doing.

“What is this?”

“Journal entry for Hand 042-MCU-KOCH.”

“Another one?  How many journals do we have to listen to?  Why in bloody hell are they wasting our time on this?  We all know they’re going to get jettisoned. Zero tolerance.  That’s the policy. What good is evidence?

“Clearing their conscious?”

A coughing snort preceded “Careful, son.  You’re assuming there’s any conscious left at the Top.”

“Don’t say that.  It sounds bad. You know they record everything.”

“Oh bah with that.  I never believed that one.  And even if they did, how would they actually listen to all those recordings?  Nah, I figure we’re ok. They trust us to work the case, right?”

“Even if they already know the end game?”

“Because they already know the end game.”